Emma Speaks [Vol. 1]

I could post day in and day out about the ridiculous/hilarious/startling/deeply-concerning things that come out of my toddler's gap-toothed little grin, but I've decided to just compile my favorites and publish them in a series entitled "Emma Speaks"... with any luck, someday there will be "Rory Speaks" as well (granted he doesn't, you know, realize he's surrounded by certifiable nut-jobs and refuse to speak altogether out of self-preservational instincts.) 

Like I said, ridiculous/hilarious/startling/deeply-concerning. You've been warned...

*We were at a clinic picking up dressing supplies after a recent surgery I had, and were speaking to one of the very nice nurses*

Emma: "Bye!"

Nurse: "Oh, is it time for you to go?"

Emma: "Yep, bye!"

*nurse laughs*

Me: "Let's ride the elevator back down. Wasn't that fun?"

Emma: [gesturing toward the elevator] "Shall we?"

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*While making small-talk with a sweet elderly gentleman at the grocery store*

Emma: "Brudder has a fuzzy head." *Pets Rory on the head*

Elderly gentleman: "Can I feel it too?"

Emma: "Goodbye, grandpa."

Me: *facepalm*

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*Emma and I were in the kitchen baking, Rory was in the living room in his jumper, and had been fussing occasionally*

Rory: *discontented baby noises/velociraptor cries*

Emma: "Ugh! Rory!" 

[*cringe* she sounded just like me when I get frustrated with him... mental note- SHE'S ALWAYS LISTENING] 

*stomp! stomp! stomp! through the kitchen to the living room doorway*

Emma: "Hey! You! CALM DOWN!"

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*Picking up her Ernie doll and carrying him to the changing table*

Emma: "Come on Bert, [she gets them confused, it was Ernie] change your diaper!"

a few seconds later... "No arguing!"

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*I was in the kitchen and had just opened a package of fruit snacks when she comes running at me with her hands out like little stop signs*

Emma: "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!"

Me: "I can have some of these! Who do you think bought them?"

Emma: "No. Daddy."

Me: *bewildered* "How could you POSSIBLY know that?"

Emma: "Share."

And- as they say- that's all for now, folks!