If it had been my child...

I want to start by saying that what happened at the Cincinnati zoo with the death of Harambe the gorilla is an absolute tragedy.

That being said, I'm disturbed, sickened, and disappointed by a lot of the commentary I've been seeing regarding this incident on social media.

"It's all the mother's fault. She should have been shot too."

"That mother should be charged with negligence or child endangerment."

"She shouldn't have multiple kids if she can't watch them closely enough."

"They should have just let nature take its course. It was that little boys fault and his mother's fault that he was in there to begin with. There was no reason to senselessly kill the gorilla."

Are you freaking kidding me?

Are you all flawless human beings who have never taken your eyes off of your child even for a moment?

Emma has disappeared on me IN MY OWN YARD. Seriously. Last week we were outside playing in the yard, as we do practically every single day. Emma was drawing with chalk on the driveway, and Rory was toddling around in the patio both in plain sight. Rory stumbled and hit the pavement and was crying, I bent down to pick  him up and the second I looked back up, Emma was nowhere in sight. She had run around the side of the garage where I couldn't see her in a matter of two seconds. Luckily, I immediately called her name loudly and she came running back to the driveway where I promptly remind her that she needed to stay where I could see her (which I can say until I'm blue in the face and she nevertheless gets swept up in her own little world and forgets and runs wherever a whim takes her). This was in the safety and confines of my own yard, and I lost sight of her for a moment. Now in a crowded place like a zoo? I can't know that she would have heard me call for her. I can't know that I would have been able to spot her immediately in a crowd of people. I keep a close eye on my children especially when we are somewhere in public, but that doesn't mean it couldn't happen to me. I know how quickly children slip away unnoticed. I have previously been taking a couple of seconds to dig for something in my diaper bag at the mall and look up to find that Emma is no longer standing right next to me, but several feet or yards away looking at something. It happens THAT FAST.

When you take your children somewhere like the zoo, you expect to have to watch them closely, of course. Keep them from doing damage to the property, keep them from throwing things into the animal enclosures or banging on windows, keep them from climbing things they're not supposed to climb, etc. But you don't expect that even if they slip out of your sight for a moment, that you will have to worry about them being able to fall/climb into an animal enclosure.

I'm not saying this is what happened. I'm not saying she looked away for a moment and he slipped away and she couldn't see him in the crowd until it was too late. Perhaps she wasn't paying close enough attention. Perhaps she was talking with someone and had her attention turned for just long enough for him to get into trouble. I'm saying I'm not judging because I wasn't there, I didn't see exactly what happened, and I know how quickly a small child can pull one over on you before you even know what happened.

Now, I am not blaming the zoo. I am not blaming the mother. This was a TERRIBLE tragedy that could have been prevented so many ways. It could have been prevented by the mother having her children by the hand at all times. But as a human being and as a mother myself, I know that it's not always possible. Someone scrapes their knee and needs a bandaid, someone needs a drink of water, someone needs more sunscreen, the baby needs his pacifier, the kid wrenches his hand away from you and runs off, you hear a loud noise and look away for a second, the list goes on and on. This could have been prevented by other bystanders noticing the child trying to climb into the enclosure. But they didn't. Small children with tiny limbs quickly and/or silently [because kids are SILENT when they're doing something they suspect they shouldn't be doing] slipping in between fences and climbing through hedges in a crowded place, I can't say I would without a doubt notice something like that. My attention is on my own kids, admiring the animals, etc. This could have been prevented by the zoo having completely impenetrable enclosures. But again, tiny child with tiny limbs who slips away from parent unnoticed and climbs through fences and hedges in order to gain access to gorilla enclosure- who sees that one coming?

This tragedy, for me, only adds to my belief that wild animals should not be kept in captivity [sanctuaries/rescues where abandoned or injured animals are being rehabilitated excluded, of course.] As much as I enjoy seeing exotic animals up-close and having a place to learn about and observe them, I know that wild animals do not belong in zoos. Look at what has happened. I would much rather spend the rest of my life learning about animals via documentaries, pictures, books, etc. than see the death of another beautiful and innocent creature as the result of a terrible accident. 

On the decision to shoot the gorilla- from what I have read, it took about 10 minutes to reach that decision and to carry it out. Now, fortunately, the gorilla did not cause any life-threatening injuries to the 4 year old boy. I'm sure we all know a 400+ lb. gorilla could have killed such a small child in an instant. They coaxed the other gorillas into a separate locked space and were attempting to do the same with Harambe, only he was not responding. He was too interested in the child. There is video footage of him being gentle with the boy. There is video of him throwing the boy and dragging him under water and over rocks. At any single second his behavior could have turned. It was determined that using a tranquilizer was too much of a risk as it takes several minutes for the tranquilizer take effect and can cause erratic behavior in the animal in the mean time. It was determined that the only course of action was to shoot Harambe. Absolute tragedy. Seriously.

But can you even imagine the complete terror that poor boy was experiencing? Can you even imagine the horror that poor mother was experiencing, helplessly watching her precious child at the mercy of an unpredictable 400+ lb. gorilla?

Think about the situation in reverse- a mother gorilla seeing one of her babies being harmed or even potentially harmed by a human? She wouldn't hesitate to kill the human. No hesitation at all.

I'm sorry, some of you may judge me for this, but if it had been my child in that gorilla enclosure, I wouldn't have hesitated a millisecond to pull the trigger. I would have clawed my own way into the enclosure to save my child. I would have been screaming at the top of my lungs for someone to save my baby. I CANNOT imagine what that poor mother went though. I CANNOT imagine how much guilt and grief she feels over what happened. I CANNOT imagine how she must be agonizing over how she could have lost her baby forever in this gut wrenching ordeal. I CANNOT imagine the onslaught of blame, judgement, threats and who knows what else she is about to face [or likely already facing] from the masses screaming injustice for Harambe. It won't be coming from me, however.

This was an accident. This was a tragedy. You can all point your fingers at whomever you choose. I won't be joining you. I'm sitting here shedding tears for Harambe, thanking the heavens that little boy is safe, and hoping to God that doing my best to keep my kids safe will always be enough.